dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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