Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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