Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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