You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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