can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
