I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
