Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
