shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
