Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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