it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
