so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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