last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
