Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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