They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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