oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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