ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
