That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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