Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
