Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
