Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
