Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
birth control should be required to get into college
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
