you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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