This is not my ceiling
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
