i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
