You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
