and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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