I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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