can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
