i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
