she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
barbara walters just said penis...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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