I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
