I think i peed on brittanys purse
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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