I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize