singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
