The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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