I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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