Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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