apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
