I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
