Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
