dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
