Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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