Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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