i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
