He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
