So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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