Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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