I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the raccoons are back...
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