Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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