thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
