I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
