1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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