it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
