i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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