Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
