She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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