Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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