oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
