How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
