sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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