just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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