You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
