if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
