There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
