Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
