I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's the barista slut.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
