do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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