maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
