Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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