What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
nutella sex= disaster
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
