I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Two words: nipple clamps
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