its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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