I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
