how can u be prego again
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
