On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
