My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
